Will I ever be cured of this insanity?

For the first time in my life, I think I am more in tuned with how my body and mind and spirit feels and how external influences affects it. I never did before and never understood people who did.

We just spent Christmas and 5 days in Hong Kong with Bjorns family and my whole self is so much more affected by the experience than ever. For one, we just ate too damn much. And it wasnt just the huge quantities of food, but also the excessive rich nature of it all. Steak, foie gras, goose, lamb, sashimi, I dont know... everything indulgent you can think of that we can get in a wonderfully gastranomically leading city like HK. 3 huge meals a day, and between that, we just negotiated the madness crazy streets and shopping malls. Some say its ok to eat so much because we 'walked alot'. Makes sense, but I still didnt feel good. My jeans got tighter, my body heavier, more tired more sluggish. By the time we were on the plane back home, I was feeling edgy and was almost in tears every hour or so for no reason. I knew then, that I just wasnt feeling good. I felt disgusting. I felt I let myself down and made a pig of myself. I ate so much rubbish, unethical, rich food and gave nothing back. I didnt earn it, I didnt deserve it. It was all about getting to a restaurant, stuffing our faces, then waiting till the next time we're hungry enough to repeat the same. To think we were looking forward to this so much the whole 6 months we were wwoofing. We imagined all the delicious chinese food we'd be able to have and salivate. But now that we have it, I am feeling shit.

The other thing to do in HK is shopping. We didnt shop really, but we spent lots of time in shopping centres just walkinng around and waiting for the next meal. I got to see how people shopped, how I used to shop. Women in all shapes and sizes all trying to fill their lives with new nice things that will surely make them look prettier, express their personalities more, or whatever. At the swish 5 star hotel we stayed in, there were mirrors ALL OVER the room. Every possible surface was a full length mirror. Sure, it made the room look bigger, but it also made my thighs look bigger, my tummy rounder and everything else I was fine with before look not so fine. How clever, I thought. Put mirrors in these rooms to make women who just had a buffet lunch feel shitty about themselves so they can go out and shop themselves out of their misery. It was genius. For the economy. Wwoofing for the last 6 months in farms, we had so little access to mirrors and how wonderful that was. Sarah, our wwoof host in Cornwall said she prefers not to have mirrors in her house because she rather see her own reflection reflected back at her through the people in her life instead of through mirrors. I am only beginning to understand how that works now.

Back to food. For the last few weeks (and especially the last 5 days) ... I had no idea where all the meat, vegetable, rice, noodles I ate came from. I dont know which country they were flown from, how old they were when slaughtered, how they were slaughtered, whether they were male or female, how they lived. Whether the veg we ate were sprayed with what kind of insecticides, what kind of chemicals were added etc etc etc. All I know is that it tasted really really good. But it was good in a way that wasnt the same kind of goodness in knowing where it all came from. It was tasty, salty, fragrant etc. It was delicious, in the kind of familiar Singaporean way of describing good food. It was just about how it was cooked. Any information or background prior to the cooking method was not important. Inconsequential. Who cares?

Now I sit here, on our bed, writing this post, past midnight and I dont feel tired because I didnt and havent done any vigirous physical activity for a while now. Today I had

a) Pork chop curry with rice at the Char can tang this morning
b) Stir fried chicken with fungus and some greens with rice on the plane (the veg looked frightfully bright green. Almost luminous)
c) Bak chor mee (mee pok soup) from Bedok for dinner

GROSS.

But I had a choice! Why am I lamenting and bitching about what I put into my mouth when clearly, I can say NO THANK YOU and just eat a fruit or something. Of course I can. And I knew if I did, I probably be in a better off position right now, feeling great about myself. And that's the thing isnt it? I am not walking the walk. I can talk talk talk about saving the planet and all. But look at me. Look at us. We've been super eco sinners. I wanna cry. This is how we've been brought up. For most years of my life, this has been the way. My taste buds cant just change overnight. I crave this shit and I gave in. Its going to take time to unbrainwash ourselves. And I quote from my lastest favourite move - Avartar "We will teach him the way of the N'avi people. And we'll see if we can cure him of his insanity."

I see now that this so-called "normal life" we live of constant bingeing on excessive good food we think we're entitled to and shopping to fill our half-empty lives and nurture our insecurity is INSANE.

Today's Straits Times Home section talked about how wayward teen problems are rising. And it says that alot of teens from low income families turn to gangs and crime because they need to support their desire for branded goods and going drinking and clubbing. My heart sank. How different is this from turning to crime to support a drug addiction? The difference is that the ones that are benefiting from this isnt some drug lord but corporations that own those stupid brands and the government earning tax money from the alcohol and ciggarettes they buy.

These teens, were not unlike Bjorn and myself when we were kids. They just come from less privileged background and were misguided by this materialistic world they see. The only world they know. The only world we knew as well. This insane world.

Didn't expect this post to be so long. I'm not good at short and punchy I guess. But I had to get it off my chest. I think I feel tired enough to sleep now. I hope for dreams of the N'avi people as I sleep and maybe tomorrow morning, I will crave fruit and water only.

Singapore is a Freak of Nature

For all nature's history it was never possible for our species , or any species for that matter to be able to occupy a geographical space more than the space can sustain the people. This means we could never be more people on island than there could be food in that area to feed it.

That was until the industrial revolution changed everything, and made transportion of goods and trading a thing of norm. Thats the only way Singapore, a size of our island can 'sustain' all 5 million of us.

Without our airflown fruit and veg and meat from all over the world (more and more from further and further away like Australia, a good 5 hour to 9 hour flight away depending which part), Singapore would never be able to get so dense in population. All our food (and everything else) arrives in our airports and at our port. We're literally a freak of nature. No other country is really like us, we're the one of a kind. And 100% man made. And I think our accolade of having the largest man made waterfall in the world says alot about who we are and what we take pride in.

Most big cities are freaks of nature as well, but super metropolis like London and Tokyo at least still can probably get their food by trains, by bicycle or even by bloody foot if other oountries won't (or cant) sell us stuff anymore. But us in Singapore, we have no resources and we have no where to run if everything suddenly stops working and we stop receiving what we ordered.

Singapore is like the Titanic, an independant floating vessel carrying too many people than health and safety should allow, and surrounded by water. Both, too ambitious for its time. Charging forward too fast for its own good.

And seeing how we're developing recently, feels like the moments just before the Titanic sinks. All glitzy and flashy... hosting the Formula One (first night time formula race), buildings like the Singapore Flyer (biggest one at the moment) and ION (tallest residential building in the world), and opening 2 Integrated Resorts at the same time. Everyone living it up, oblivious to the disaster nature is about to unleash on us.

We gotta grow own food man. Who wants risk relying on the delivery guy for all the days of your life? It's crystal clear that to ensure a sustainable future, we got to quit relying so much on the whole import export thing. We're living in a very precarious situation here man. Dense as hell. 200 families living in one block. We're vertical slums. Even if we made every rooftop garden to grow food, every football field to veg plots, every green patch, will that we be enough?

If we're not careful, if we're not far sighted enough, Singapore might not survive the next 500 years. We did well for the last 150 or so. Will we just be short bright spark instead of a long warm fire in history books of the far future? I wonder. And how much longer will the spark be alight?

All I know is that I dont want to be around when we sink.

Guilty...

Tsk tsk tsk.

Since we've been back, we've not been very good. Here's a list of bad things we've been up to:

1. Have been driving the car everywhere.

2. The only walking we've done has been in shopping malls. (and to and from the car to our house)

3. Have been eating anything we see we like without any concern for its impact on the world. Lunch today was the 'freshest' salmon airflown from Norway.

4. We've been 'hiding' in our air conditioned bedroom at about 21 degrees celsius, showering with hot hot water at perhaps 40 degrees celsius.

However, the good stuff are:

1. We havent really spent any money yet, not buying into the whole consumerism shit. Next week we're going to Hong Kong and that will be a true test of our will against the glitz of the shopping malls.

2. Not sure if this one counts, but bjorn has sworn to quit instant noodles and me, to quit luncheon meat. Yes... those yummy delicious guilty snacks we grew up with. Our minds brainwashed to love and our tastebuds to savour. Gone, quit, never ever.

3. Im having trouble looking for another point here. Sad eh?

We need to not forget all the stuff we've learnt. We've only been back a couple of days, so will not start a revolution yet. I suppose.

We might have a chance...

So we just got back to Singapore. Days are mixed up with nights and we're jet lagged like anything. We've been following the rhythm of nature so closely for the past six months... working when the sun shines and resting when its down... I think recovering from this jetlag will take a little longer than usual.

Meeting interesting inspiring people is the best thing about travelling and best thing about this new life we're entering. The last 2 weeks with Jordi Pedro has truly been educational and we've taken away so much from the man.

This evening we met Lai Hock at sempang bedok for teh allia. He's the founder of GUI - Ground Up Initiative and one hour wasnt enough to hear him tell us about the whole organic/ self sustainability/ reconnecting with the land movement in Singapore. Friendly, easy going and most generous with his time, he left his IT job of 11 years and backpacked all over the world for 4 years before coming back to Singaopore to start this. He shared with us what was happening locally, his plans for an educational centre and the prospects of enlightening everyday Singaporeans of an alternative way of life without killing oneself with consumerism and soul destroying jobs.

Today my mother asked me today - Is the work hard? I replied... its no harder than going to the gym for an hour's kick boxing or puffing away on the stairmaster. The difference is that instead of paying a company, spending airconditioning, electricity etc to work out where the energy i output just goes nowhere, the energy output from me goes into producing healthy wholesome organic food for my body, and the earth/soil benefits from the work. Yes wheelbarrowing soil and straw and sand and rocks from one place to another is back breaking. Weeding for hours on end strengthens the thigh muscles (from all the repeated standing and squatting). Harvesting olives while in a tree helps my balance and core muscles. Turning compost definitely brings the heart rate up. And what do we get rewarded with? Fabulous, fresh, organic food.

You know, there hasnt been a single time, or a single thing in my whole life that I can wholeheartedly say... I love doing, feels complete, and feels whole and truly good for me and good for this world. Hahaha... I know at some point I've got to be less whimsical about describing this new way of life we're carving for ourselves. But I just cant help it! Lai Hock explained what the ethos of GUI was today... essentially... Reconnecting people with the earth, Healing the land and the human spirit. Coz that's what's happening to us. Bjorn and I. In the process of connecting with the earth, in the process of healing the land, we're healing ourselves... body, mind and soul. You may ask --- why do we need 'healing'? Were we sick? No shit, of course we were. In so many levels as well. Not just health wise with the highly processed chemical foods we're eating (I'm quitting luncheon meat as of today and Bjorn is quitting instant noodles), but we were so diseased with this modern life of excessive spending and consuming, ignorant of the impacts our daily actions have on the environment, exploitation of people less fortunate countries we cannot 'see'. The whole out of sight, out of mind attitude most Singaporeans were brought up with. Dont give a shit where my rubbish goes, as long as its gone. Dont care where the oil comes from to drive our cars, where the electricity comes out from my wall. Dont care who the underpaid bangladeshi lady who sewed my H&M jeans is. Dont care how the chicken lived or how much antibiotics was injected in my chicken wings or how patheticly paid the rice farmer was paid for my bowl of rice today. We need to change all this. We need to fucking care, and if not to care, at least be aware.

This 'farming' thing isnt just about farming, growing food, gardening or plants. It's much much more.

The evolutionary reason of why humans seem to feel better and have their spirits uplifted when being close to the earth and being with nature/plants is coz we used to rely directly on our crops for our survival. Most people on the earth for thousands of years were directly reliant on the land. In the last 100 years, immigration to the city means that now more than half the population on this planet living in big cities. More than half! The direct connection is no longer there. Middle men, factories, processing plants, resellers, traders, ports... they are all now in the middle. Thus... the need to 'reconnect'. We have to remind ourselves that city living and apartments and supermarkets is only a recent phenomenon in the history of human kind. Half the world's population has gone 'sick'. And we need to quickly start the healing process, otherwise it will be too late.

We hope the Copenhegan talks this week will make a difference. I'm sure very exciting things will happen in our lifetimes.

Climbing trees, harvesting olives...

The last week at Jordi's in Balaguer, Catalunya of Spain has been really really fantastic. Olive harvesting is not as backbreaking as I had anticipated. But we've only done 4 days of it... 5 hours each. If you had to do it for 2 months straight I guess it takes its toll. The method we use is with a 'comb' and we brush the olives off their branches. Its quite a sweet, elegant and nurturing process if you ask me. And time goes by really quickly when you're working a tree. I also get to climb these 300 year old (estimated) trees like a monkey. Always loved climbing trees when I was little, but I never really had many chances to in Singapore. Human evolution have probably given children instincts to climb trees as it was a way of getting out of harms way of predators and floods (or parents). Overall, its enjoyable. Considering its the ONLY thing we've done and will be doing for the coming week.

Jordi is one good guy. He's a teacher, speaks almost perfect english, and french as well as spanish and catalan. He volunteers at a hospital once a week taking care of cancer patients. He helps with blood donation drives. He grows about 80% of this own food and food for us. Is an incredible cook (really really). And grows these cancer curing plants calls - Kalanchoi all over his small apartment. There are probably heaps of other things he's involved in as well, but one things for sure. He's a good guy and we enjoy doing work for good people.

We're at our final week of wwoofing now. In a week's time, we'll be back in Singapore. So many dreams I've been having, strange ones of us coming back home and its all weird. We're definitely looking forward to the food. We've already made a list of places and things we wanna gorge on when we are back. Muthu's curry, fei fei wan tan mee, siglap mee pok ta, katong laksa, the list goes (painfully for us no) on and on. Anyway,... hope to see u all soon. :)