Bali – 18 Jan 2010

Bali – 18 Jan 2010
Munduk, Bali, Guru Ratna


So after one week break, returning to Singapore for my grandmas wake, we’re back here with my mom and we’re seeing Bali together on a budget and with new open eyes.

In this entry, I wanna talk about spirituality. This topic has been on bjorn and my minds for a while now. It stemmed from the issue we’re facing right now of – what now? Before, we would tell people about our UK wwoof plans and so forth. Now we’re 2 month short of being ‘unemployed’ for a whole year, and what do we have to show for it? What are our plans now, people ask puzzledly, trying to figure out what the hell are these 2 bums up to, how are they going to continue to ‘enjoy life’ while the rest of us slog it out. Others aren’t the only ones asking us this question. We were asking ourselves that too. Our savings isn’t going to last forever. Are we being the praying mantis who sang and laughed and played his music all summer while the ant slaved away and saved its food for a rainy day? …

Those have been the sort of thoughts eating away at us since we reached home to Singapore mid December 2009. We worked with the idea of starting a business – but we so sucked at it (I particularly couldn’t feel it at all) and we were just forcing our way through making something out of this journey we’re doing. What was initially our ‘story’ to bjorns grandparents i.e. starting a business in the organic food industry, became something we so strongly felt we had to pursue asap as to not to waste time. I never felt totally comfortable about it. Importing exporting, shipping, air-flown, logistics, storage etc. All foreign to me and sounds like a lot of carbon footprint. Doesn’t sound local or ethical or anything we learnt and thought we strived for in the first place. Just sounded like a whole lot of business to me.

So we were in a confused place for a long time. And I asked myself a lot, what do I want out of life? What is my purpose? What are we meant to do? They say a good indication of what really drives you in life, is what is the first thing you think of in the morning and what is the thing that gets you leaping out of bed.

I also considered writing a whole list of potential occupations I could be, then listing the pros and cons and eventually come to a decision of what I want to pursue. Teacher? Cook? Yoga instructer? Professional Surfer?

But before I got round to doing that list, one night, it came to me. It came to me like a ball of lightning never so strong before. So clear, so clear. I was so happy I cried. Cried tears of joy that I finally know what I want and why we were so confused for a long time.

The leaping out of bed exercise helped me lead to my revelation. Because random, non-specific things came to mind…like knowing that I’m going to spend a lovely day outdoors, meeting a good friend etc. Then as I made myself really consider deeper, really domestic, mundane things came to mind, like knowing I will have a busy day preparing meals, keeping the house neat and homely for us to live in etc. Keeping my body fit and balanced with good healthy food, fresh air and working out the body. Reading great books, speaking to inspiring people about life, finding beautiful nuggets of thoughts and expressions of our connection to the natural world. These were the things in my life that make me leap out of bed to do.

My whole life, it’s been ingrained into my psyche that one needs to become ‘something’ or ‘someone’. A doctor or lawyer was the top occupations all parents wants us to be. Earn loads of money of course, but more importantly, make your contribution to the world via a job, a career. Make your family proud, make yourself proud. Achieve something, build a small empire. These were all your typical goals of people’s lives in many stories you hear. Rags to riches, nothing to something, qualifications, accolades, awards, etc etc etc. The pressure to become something usually drives people to make wrong choices in their career, their lives and you end up doing something you never really like in the first place, but because it’s prestigious, brings in the money to pay that mortgage or your family’s debts you stay on. And some people die, still thinking they needed to achieve something in life and when they haven’t, they die regretfully.

Why bjorn and I have been so call ‘confused’ is because we were trying to put ourselves into a box. A category which people can easily grasp straight away. Are we on a sabbatical? No, coz we’re not going back. We’re also not really farmers right now, we’re travelers for now. But people will ask – how long are u going to do ‘this’ for. As if we were going to stop. People ask – are we going to ‘buy a farm’. Which is the first thing normal people will assume once we say we want to become farmers. But who says we need to buy anything? Buying will immediately put you in debt. When your heart is in the right place, when your motivations and actions speak good in itself, money and ‘wealth’ will come to you. When you direct your energy in the right places, good will come to you. I am only beginning to understand what Lai Hock means by all this. Only meeting him and Paul 3 short times, I am able to see what they mean. Bjorn’s so anxious to start something now now now. But cannot for the hell of it, figure out what. I say, we are on this life journey together and we will come to it when we come to it. Don’t rush it, don’t hurry. Focus on the road ahead too much, and you’ll miss out on the present days’ moments and joys.

So what was it that became so clear to me on 13 Jan 2010? What was I destined to be, what was my purpose, my calling? What do I want out of this life. Understanding my strengths and weaknesses, my interests, my passions and situation? I realize… I just want to be a housewife. That was it. I want to take care of our own small holding, grow our own vegetables, raise our own animals, have a beautiful country home, be close to nature. Have time to raise some children, some pets and animals, go for walks in the woods, take the family out in the caravan on the weekend, cook delicious healthy meals, sometimes hold parties for the friends. Discuss life & films and music, play some music and being one with mother earth, and just live my short life with my husband, my family, hopefully up to 99 here in this earth, accepting the fact that I don’t have to be anybody or have a career in advertising or politics etc etc etc. That’s our shared goal, Bjorn and I, and as long as we just keep that vision in our heads and make sure that in every action we make, every step we take is going in that direction and not backwards, we are safe, sane and will be happy.

I am super sure of this because I see so many people my age, 30 years old around me, working in their soul destroying jobs, depressed, sad, miserable, life just flashing by them only really living a small portion of it, youth just passing by. And I picture myself maybe 60 years old, retired and living in my fancy condo in Singapore, fat and unhealthy, and looking back at this time, 30 years old, which would I regret more… travelling and seeing the world and changing my life? Or staying in advertising in one place? The answer is a no-brainer.

We need to start living life the moment we feel we can. Not be dragged through it with an invisible ball and chain in the office. Going for meetings, replying emails, staying back late, eating unhealthy food, sitting in air conditioning, missing out on the real world.

We need more of Jack Johnson to tell us that seeing a rainbow is more beautiful than a job promotion. And the Beatles to show us there’s so much creativity in the world, if we only have space in our lives to pursue them. More Pauls to say we’re ahead of the game, quality of life! More Lai Hocks to tell us if our motivations are right, we will receive. More Robert Dunns to assure us that we are the sane ones, others out there are the ones that are mad. And for me, the very first inspiration of this rebelliousness – adbusters. Thank you so much for showing me that the norm as we know it isn’t the only way.

So after all that, we realize we need to listen to our soul’s voices a lot more. As a lot has been revealed to me just by being quiet and listening what it is I really want. Feeling the inner peace inside of us – what Sergio said at GUI’s talk that day. There can be no permaculture, no saving the planet, without spirituality. It’s all in our hearts, we need to discover it. That’s why we’ve signed up for a one week meditation retreat in these Bali hills beginning next week. (Its nice I don’t even know what day it is today). That’s an action, a decision to do something that will contribute to our future end-goal. We hope that we will have clearer perspective of our next steps by learning how to meditate and finding inner peace.

Singapore has the wrong environment for any of these. I don’t get to be the housewife I want to be as it isn’t my house. We are apart from nature almost completely. We are merely existing there. Here in Bali now, albeit not our permanent home, we are living. We are learning, discovering, exploring, and interacting.

Next week, Bjorn and I will be attending Bali Usada meditation retreat in the mountains in central Bali. We have never attempted anything like that before, but it seems that we are drawn to it, curious and hungry to learn wisdom from within. We’ll let you know how it goes…

Listen...

Never stop being curious. As long as we are always curious about life, we will never stop learning and growing and improving ourselves. I am blessed because I was born with this innate sense of curiousity. I've always seeked to find the meaning of things, understand what the hell everything is all about. We need to listen more, say less and pay attention to our own body, mind and surroundings. That's key to a life that's more authentic.

Musings from Bali

Just got back to Singapore and did the night shift at grandmas wake so feeling a bit zonked.

But here's a copy paste of stuff I wrote on our last evening in Bali on MS word and didnt have internet connectino to update:

6 Jan 2010
Senu Pension, Umekuta village, Bali 6pm to 9pm

Sweat

I think we perspired more in the last 5 days than we ever did in 2009. But that’s most forgivable because we were in Europe for most of it. What’s scary is that when working full time in Singapore, I actually remember avoiding perspiring for almost all of the year as well (2006 perhaps). I slept in air con, took the air con cab/bus to work. (very little walking in the open air in between), ate at an air con food court for lunch, drank at an air con pub at night (some times open air, but by evening time its cool already), then dinner at home in air con or cool fan and the whole thing repeat. What about exercise? Yes only if I visited the gym perhaps. But our gyms are blasted with so much air con, you don’t sweat for very long and very much.

Living in an air conditioned world divides us further from the natural world. As if buildings and roads isn’t enough. We don’t even want to breathe the fresh air. Oh but Singapore is so hot everyone says. Yes it is, we’re bang on the equator. But what I really think makes Singapore unbearably hot is that most of the time, we’re surrounded by too much concrete, too much traffic and too many people. I can’t speak for all Singaporeans (there are a lot of Singaporeans who still don’t use air con at home and do lotsa outdoor activities like my own mother). But for me, and I speak for many ‘office workers’ like me who work in the city, it’s truly horrible being in the heat in Singapore.

This time in Bali, we decided to rent a little cottage in a rice farming village near Ubud, we are surrounded by so much and I really mean, so so so much green it feels amazing. Rice padis, coconut trees etc. I still feel the heat, (and am enjoying the company of creepy crawlies of all sorts), but being surrounded by nature cools me down. The sun will set eventually, the breeze will come if you wait and the rain will give away to coolness. There’s a balance that’s already programmed in nature evolved over millions of years. Yeah, we know how hot it can be, especially at midday, so don’t go walking in the sun at midday! We know there are mozzies around, so cover up and wear loose cool clothes and grow natural mosquito repellants! There’s a natural and easy solution to most inconvenience we experience in nature. The short cut is using air conditioning that sucks up so much energy we rape from mother earth just to pretend we’re in Europe for a while.

Benefits of an air-con less world

- Tons of energy saved from NOT producing aircon units, shipping them around the world and power to run them.
- Sunshine and being tanned is healthy and native people need not worry about skin cancer because of years of evolution and adaptation
- Fresh air (applicable only if you are in an area with fresh air outside!)
- Air con air is not fresh, it is recycled and therefore gross!
- One gets disconnected from the ‘outside world’ and becomes dependant on feeling cool artificially. Lose innate ability to cool oneself down
- Not perspiring means the body doesn’t release toxins it wants to.

Advantages of air con in a tropical humid place.
- Keep ‘comfortable’ and cool, so one can forget what an ugly atrocity of a city they live in.
- Clothes won’t stick to you.
- Body odor under control
- Ability go without shower for longer periods of time
- Keep mosquitoes and creepy crawlies out.

I live now with my in laws in a new-built little condo apartment on upper east coast road. And its obvious that whoever designed the house took no consideration whatsoever in ventilation of air. It doesn’t take a building expert to tell that the place is an oven. There is absolutely no air flowing through the apartment in all rooms and the concrete walls the & glass doors boil in the midday heat.

Right this very moment, we’re experiencing a powercut here in the cottage. Powercuts are common in Bali and its especially intense now as the sun is setting fast, natural light is fading and we don’t have the whirl of the fan or the noise of the tv distracting us from the sounds of nature. A cow is mooing ever so longingly for something im not sure what. Perhaps she’s bulling. We heard the cute ‘cukoo’ of the gecko I think Henny told us about. She says they are worth millions of dollars apparently! Coz the Balinese believe they are very spiritual or something. Now the dogs are going off, I hear a motor bike and even voices of men, perhaps 100 or even 200m away. And then there’s the orchestra of frogs, crickets and other insects singing away. This is the song of nature and how ironic that one can buy a CD of the ‘sounds of nature’ to distress and fall asleep when there are so many rural parts of the world one can experience this already. If we were in this exact spot, but sitting indoors in aircon, we would never be able to experience all this.

Wise words from Made, our Balinese herb walk guide cum herb grower, he said these all within our 3 hour tour and I recall all these by memory:

* Balinese believe that sky is man and earth is woman. When it rains, sky and earth meet like a man and a woman. But when you pave the road and put concrete down, you divide the two.
* The 3 tier philosophy – Good from human to human, human to environment, human to god.
* Most rice farmers are also artists. One reason is to supplement their income as rice farming will not make you a very wealthy man. And also they are just artists at heart. They gain inspiration from nature. All nature inspires Balinese art. Like the fluttering leaves of the coconut tree, it is mimicked in the traditional Balinese dance. Destroy nature, and inspiration will be destroyed.
* Trees that are taller than human are sacred and should not be cut down. Big temples usually have a very large tree that will protect and give shade and protection to the people and the gods/shrine.
* Ducks are nature’s cleaners, organic pesticides for farmers. Balinese believe that when you eat an animal, you take on a little bit of their characteristics. And to eat a duck is to take on wisdom and intelligence, because they work so well, eating all the insects and being an overall good animal.
* All Balinese make sure their heads face north when they sleep, as they pray to the 3 big lakes in the north that provide their land with irrigation for rice, and thus, for life. When they pray, they face north. A charming evidence of how the western concepts of geography has not touched these people - for people living in the north, they still say they face ‘north’ when they pray, when technically speaking they are facing polar south. That’s because their lakes are the centre of their world, it is their ‘north’. Not what westerners tell them north is.
* If you have human on one side and nature on the other, and you live your life always in the middle somewhere, you will be a happy and good person.
* Frangipanis – We asked Made what he thought of the Frangipanis getting this rust disease all over the island. Apparently, it’s a problem. But Made said that its happening because there are frangipanis everywhere when there used to be grown only in temples. He said when there’s too much of one thing, disease will come and take them away. Hinting again, that this is nature’s way of preserving balance in the world. It was an Avartar Jake Sully moment there, feeling like the ignorant child, focusing about only one small problem I see before me, not acknowledging the bigger balance in our world, and how we all need that balance to survive.
* Everyone has their choice. Everyone chooses their path, you cannot chose it for them.
* There is never 100% good in anything. In everything and everyone, there’s a good part and there’s a bad part. And therein lies the struggle in life, to try to have good triumph over bad.
* Life is 90% your own work and decisions, 10% destiny.

Earth's KY

Tasha, the lady we're gonig to stay with and help her build her cob buildings (mud & straw) is this real cool chick originally from New york but has been ‘stuck’ in bali and decided to just live in the land with her daughter and mother. It’s so cool. She says that taking all that oil from the earth is like taking the KY from mother nature. All this stored energy on earth was perhaps put here for a reason. We discovered it and now can do amazing things our ancestors never dreamed of.

Hunger

I’ve notice a different experience of hunger when in Singapore and when not. When wwoofing, the hunger is real. Its not funny, doesn’t kid. My body screams for energy replacement and it better get it. Of course, great wholesome organic fresh food is just delightful to the body and the continuous exchange of energy is harmonious and balanced. Not to mention shiok. But coming back to Singapore where I miss so much of our Singaporean food, the experience is kindda disappointing. Yes I do get hungry, but it’s the weak, pathetic kind of hunger. Definitely guilt has a part to play in there somewhere. Eating all that unhealthy food and not burning it at all anywhere is horrible! Sleeping in aircon then coming out to eat, then sitting in aircon car driving somewhere, then eating… all totally undeserved and fake. And now here in Bali, with all the sweating and walking in the blazing sun… the hunger I feel here is wicked. And eating the street Balinese food, perhaps despite being not super healthy and a tad too spicy, is probably fresh and if its good for the locals, its good enough for me. The portions are small too, so I haven’t yet felt the horrible guilt bulge of binging on too much too rich. All the waste and toxins released through the pores of my skin almost brings me closer to my peasant ancestors who probably toiled the farms for centuries in southern china. I’ve always attributed my love for rice (and my scary appetite for huge portions of it) to my assumed peasantry roots. My whole family is the same. We friggin love our rice and it feeds our soul.

Why should I care?

The challenge I face is not listing the ways we human kind are killing the earth. A lot of people already know plastic bags are bad, using too much energy is bad, driving car is bad. The challenge for me is when as I am explaining and listing all these things to people, I am returned with either a fading attention, or a ‘so what?’ kind of response in one way or another. A ‘I’ll be dead by then’ attitude or a ‘there are so many causes out there right now, save dafur, aids, Cambodia etc, why should I care about the environment and my so called evil corporations?’

I need to approach the world cautiously when explaining this whole new me. How shall I explain it? I need to declutter the messaging:

Being with nature, getting closer to my food, my environment gives me balance and gives me pleasure. I am jaded by the modern city world.

It’s absence of reminders of our place on earth, which is to live in balance with the rest of our related extended family (nature)


Its constant hum of consumerism – urging on to work harder and harder so we can buy more more more. It’s emptying me of my soul and physically exhausting me. Children? I shudder to bring up my children in this world, so I want to seek out a better one for them a more balanced one.


I am not against modernization and technology. Yes I am using a computer that was put together by an underpaid factory girl in China and owned by a giant Japanese tech brand. But I’m using it to good use, will not throw it away just coz I want an upgrade and that already sets a new balance to everything if everyone does the same.

Farming and permaculture is one way we are exploring this more stainable, back to basics lifestyle we want to pursue. Growing our own food is one step to a) reduce carbon footprint on the planet as we don’t need to get it shipped and flown. B) You don’t support the unecessary giant food growers, packagers, processors. C) You don’t support chemical industry that destroy the land in huge acres and acres. D) There’s just something in feeling the dirt between your fingers, seeing your plant grow and bear fruit that is so healing and rewarding. E) Health, you know exactly what you put into it and no or little processing involved.

5 days

I love travel because it always brings about heightened senses. The dulled brain suddenly awakens to everything foreign and different.

We've been here in Bali for 5 days, and already, our lives are not the same anymore. We have been staying in a little cottage in Umekuta village, 25 mins drive from Ubud, with no hot water or air con. But already its luxury compared to what the Balinese farm life is all about. And we've met a few incredible people already. It's amazing, the speed of which one can find people who are like minded and like hearted. Gede and Darsi from Bai runga farm, Made from Utama Spice, Tasha building her cob house, and Lenkong & Lisa from Fair Trade Indonesia.

But alas, we have to go back to Singapore for a short while, my dearest grandma has passed on, her soul and body returning to the earth and we have to get the next flight back home. So our journey is put on hold for awhile to take care of family for now.

Will elaborate further on the 5 days we've had so far. Leaving this wifi cafe to get back to pack.

Bali begins 2010

I think this is the first time that the 'new year' and its celebrations, resolutions, wishes etc dont really mean much to me. When we were studying or working full time and all that, this was a time of reflection of the year gone by and it was also a break from work. I think also, I've never before looked back at the year and said - what an awesome year it has been. It truly was.

One year ago on 1st Jan 2009, we were already on the path of moving away from our old lives and into the new. We were already serving our resignation notice and planning for the great wwoofing adventure ahead of us. I remember waking up in our Camden flat, with a throbbing hangover from a bit too much the night before (HH and Birdy, thanks for that wonderful NYE we spent on Primrose hill where HH saved my life from an oncoming car). I just felt so relieved that the awful 2008 had past and we were on our way to salvation. But today, I look back at 2009 and know that it was a year we learnt so much, grew so much, changed so much for the better. We didnt just let life flash by us in a blurry daze. We took life into our own hands, got out there and lived each day fully, savoured the gifts of nature and wonderful people and new experiences around us. We were slaves to no one but to our own priorities. We were free.

In a couple of hours, we will be on a plane to Bali. Our beloved Bali. The charming, magical island that Bjorn and I fell in love with and at, took so many of our holidays and get got married in. We will be wwoofing with Gede, a young Balinese farmer in his organic farm, and helping Tasha, a Helpx host build her cob houses in the country side. Although we've been to Bali several times, this will be the first time we'll not be staying in the touristy places but instead, be in the villages with the local people. We are staying a month this time, not a measly couple of days. There's so much we want to do there in Bali besides wwoofing though. I want to learn to surf. Take some yoga lessons. Maybe even try detoxing (never done it before and really should). After wwoofing in Europe for the last couple of months, we're so happy to be closer to home and learning more of what our gorgeous part of the world has to offer. South East Asia. All my life, I never really appreciated what it means to be here. But I think now, lots more people, especially Singaporeans are more curious to discover the beautiful corners of our region.

I hope I havent bored you guys with endless words and no photos. We just havent been all that on the ball with photos. Bjorn's dad passed me his old iphone with a camera which should prompt us to take more photos!

Happy new year to everyone.... and here's wishing you the courage to pursue your dreams in 2010!